Anneka_neko's Xanga

Monday, July 28, 2008

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 04:39:49 GMT

Well, trying to distract myself from all these emotional goings-on, I was watching some of the Mythbusters episodes for Shark Week... and I came up with a new item for my "someday" wish list.

Someday I wanna own a shark plushie named Albert.

Don't ask me why- dun question the plushie goodness~! >:3

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 04:37:09 GMT

...and that's a no.

Well, he said that I'm a "cool friend" (<3 I feel pathetic for being so excited about that one) and that he just doesn't feel like he knows me well enough... so there's still hope, I suppose.

*sigh* It's weird. All at once, I feel so amazingly relieved and so completely crushed. I was terrified that he'd... I dunno what, exactly. I was scared that it'd be like freshman year, and that I'd be... ignored, I guess. Disregarded. I know he'd never DO that, of course, but I mean... that's the only experience I have to go on, not counting that nice simple shoot-down from Winn ("Will you go out with me?" "Sorry, I'm in a relationship." So simple! ><;;; Why can't it be that simple this time? Well, I mean I'd prefer a "yes", but even that left me with very little doubt.)

I mean, it's really awesome that he's being so nice about it. Still, I wish I could just somehow talk to him and persuade him to change his mind. I love him so fucking much- why can't he, for whatever reason, randomly feel the same way? *head-desk* Come on, Anneka- it doesn't work that way! Damn you, Disney, for polluting my mind so. >:O

I'm actually kind of annoyed... I wish his reason were less sensible- then I'd have a reason to be mad at him! xD Unfortunately, he's a sensible kinda guy... so I guess that doesn't really work. :/

...odd, though, that he wasn't at all expecting it. I guess I'm less pathetically obvious than I'd thought. xD

I love him I love him I love him. Why does it have to be all complex? ><; I suppose this could turn out like Jeff and Kasey, of course... that'd mean I only have to endure 6 incredibly awkward months, and then he'll ask me out. -.- Great.

I suppose I should go to bed now, ne? Night night world~!

...I still love him.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 04:14:53 GMT

First of all, I got my AP scores- 4s in both English and Latin~! Yay~! ^^

Now that that's out of the way...

...OH MY GOD.

Ok, so I just came back from Projekt Revolution (incredible, BTW), and... and...

OH
MY
GOD.

Ok, so I was feeling nervous about possibly (hopefully) seeing *him* (I didn't, by the way, until we drove past him when we were leaving. ><), and I was trying to get the screen above the stage to show one of my texts. So I decided to send a message asking him out- I kinda half-figured that it wouldn't even show up, and even if it did, those things are only up for like 5 seconds- he wouldn't see, right?

So of course, not only does it show up, but later another one shows up from *him* asking where I am!

...so now, I'm sitting here nervously waiting for his reply to my email that probably won't come until tomorrow.

...why did I send that message? x.x I wish I could talk to him now...

Friday, May 30, 2008

Fri, 30 May 2008 02:40:53 GMT

Well, it's been a while! APs are over, and I'm pretty sure I did fairly well. Exams start tomorrow. T.T

I'm over 10,000 words on my new fanfic! http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4252782/1/Enemy

Also, I've finally admitted it...

I love him.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Fri, 16 May 2008 02:22:33 GMT

...and, as 'nee-sama and Hunter sign off within a minute of each other, here I am once again with no one to talk to.

Well, ok, so people I know are online, but it's different.

See, it's at times like this that I realize how much I want a boyfriend. I could make a boyfriend stay up to talk to me.

...ow. I just poked myself in the eye. ><;;;

...I hate this. Why do I always manage to get crushes at the end of the school year? ><;;; So much pressure to hurry up and do something! I only realized I liked him a little less than two weeks ago! I'm not entirely sure it's gonna be a matter of *like* for much longer, though. At this rate, another "L" word may come into the picture pretty soon. Today, I was totally freaking out about the Latin AP tomorrow, but then he walked into the classroom, smiled at me and said, "Hi." I got the stummy butterflies, and I felt a lot better about life.

...Even now, I'm a lot less worried about it.

Anyways, yeah. English AP is over! x3 W00tw00t~! I can't talk about it for another few hours, though. xDDD Else they'll probably send AP ninjas after me. xD

...I'm bored, so I'll wander away now. Ja ne Xanga-chan~! ^-^

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Sun, 11 May 2008 21:18:26 GMT

I'm at Kasey's again.

Ok, fine. Kasey just downed a whole container of cherry tomatoes. It was really creepy, and she wanted me to mention it. -.-;;;

So, occasionally my Xanga has a theme. This time, it's luck.

A few nights ago, when Kasey and I were lying out on her trampoline, I saw the first star. This afternoon, at Max Orient, I broke my chopsticks PERFECTLY. Later, when we were stopping at my house to grab my sketchbook, I just looked down and found a four-leaf clover. Just now, at 5:55p.m., I tapped her clock 5 times.

What have I wished for each of these times? Most people who know me, especially those who knew me well during previous crushes, would say that, of course, I wished for *him*.

Wrong.

I think I'm maturing a little. I no longer want God to just give me some kind of miracle. I don't want him to go, "Poof! Here ya go, Anne! Here's a boyfriend!" I don't think that's what I want any more. I don't want to get a boyfriend as a present (got it, Jeff? :P)

Instead, all four times, I've asked to be brave. I want to be brave enough to talk to him, to ask him myself. I want to be brave enough to ask him. I wanna get him myself.

...I dunno. Is it dumb to ask for that?

Please, God. Let me be brave.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Fri, 09 May 2008 18:22:53 GMT

~~~Thursday~~~

I talked to Jeff last night.

It really does feel nice, that he cares so much he’ll listen. So, what was his checklist again?

~checking me out? I dunno

~hanging out a lot? No chances

~coming over to talk to me? We sit next to each other

~talk a lot? Yes

~interested in what we talk about? Yes

Conclusion? He likes me! xD Ah, Jeff… what an amazing checklist. xD

…it’d be rather nice if Jeff was right. I REALLY hope he is.

~3^rd Period, US History~

Ack! So during lunch, there were two HUGE roaches! I don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T LIKE ROACHES!

…anyways!

So, just now, I finished doing my presentation on the policy of German appeasement before WWII (w00t!w00t!), and I was really really REALLY nervous, but *he* said I did a good job. ^^ I mean, ok so actually I sucked, but still. Hmmm… and now he and I are talking about when our AP tests are. ^^ Jeff’s checklist says this is good!

…crap. I think Jeff’s checklist may say somebody else likes me slightly. ><;;; Well, I mean, he was one of the guys looking at me a bit during prom, and I’ve noticed that a lot of the time when I look up, he just happens to be looking away. ._.;;; This could be bad.

Oh! Prom! I never mentioned that, did I? Mmm yeah… Cari and I went, and my dress… mm. Yeah. I think I was pretty, but it showed a little more than I usually do, and some of the guys… >/////> I mean, it was nice and all, but like… the guy I liked last year was checking me out while he was grinding with his date. xDDDDD;;;;

Anyways, I’m totally paranoid about this now. Does he like me? Not the other guy- the one I like. I mean… it’s really fitting Jeff’s checklist right now, ne? He’s so friendly, and he seems to like talking to me… I mean, he did say my dress was pretty, ne?

…God, I’m so totally mindfucking myself right now. ><;;; *sigh~* So confusing!

…please like me. Please.

…ok, Mr. Tallon, I do NOT think that saying that, after the USSR detonated their first nuke and China became Communist in 1949, everyone’s “butts puckered” (i.e. got nervous) is a good call. …and no, don’t say it’s an army term! xD That sounds so hilariously gay! xD

xD And now we’re having a class-wide discussion of whether or not people in scary situations wet their pants. xD And now we’re talking about if Mr. Tallon ever wet his pants while in the army! xD

Mm, and of course *he* and I are back here talking about how pointless and awkward this class-wide discussion is. xD

~4^th period, Honors Integrated Algebra/Geometry IV~

So, tomorrow morning is the AP US History exam… that I don’t have to take. X) But no, so Alex is totally flipping out right now, and he was just dancing a jig while trying to recite what happened in each of the Presidencies. xD Ah, I love that kid.

…Kasey says hi. >>;;;

Anyways, that was amazing. xDDDD WAY more fun than determining how much work a fuckin’ crow does depending on how high it flies before dropping a whelk to break it open. -.-;;;

Anyways… ok, Kasey, I get it. You say hi, >>;;; TF?

Ian: “Alex, Alex, Alex. Just drop the hurtful objects! Hey, give me the sharper one!” xDDD I LOVE those guys!

Mmm… I LOVE those guys. ^^

*around 10-15 min later* Alex: POTATO FAMINE!

~~~Friday~~~

~Lunch~

Well, it’s been a pretty good day so far. During Latin, Ben and Austin were out for the AP US test, so only Carrie, Stefan and I were there. We did some writing assignments on Catullus 2-5, and I only had to leave one question blank! (I couldn’t find an example of syncopation in poem 4, but oh well.) Also, I turned mine in like 20 minutes before the others! <3 Only thing is, on hendecasyllabic meter, it’s supposed to be “--|-uu|-u|-u|--“ and I kept marking it as “--|-u|-u|-uu|--“, so I’ll get all of the meter questions wrong. ><;;;

Then, in mythology, I answered a lot of questions correctly, and we started watching this really dorky but pretty interesting video on Roman cities, which gave me time to finish my history homework~!

Kasey left after second period to go to her cousin’s graduation, but the cookies today were like some of the best ever, so that kinda makes up for it a little.

Plus, *he* said hi to me when he was walking past to go to his table! ^///^ Yay~!

…last night, though…

…Lizzie’s mom tries so very hard to make sure things go well. ^^;;; She’s just um… a little bit controlling? >>;;; Yeah… lovely woman, though!

Oh, I think I forgot to say that! Well, my parents are in Colorado for John’s graduation, so Tuesday and Wednesday night I stayed with Kasey, last night and tonight I’m with Lizzie, tomorrow night I’ll be with onee-sama, and then Sunday after church I go home with Kasey again! She’ll drop me at home on Monday. ^-^ …where I’ll find a jar of decaying slug corpses, because I forgot to feed them before I left. ><;;;

…*smile*~! *He* looks so cute in his lime-green outfit! x///) *sigh~*

…I hope he likes me… >///<

I wish I was back on Kasey’s trampoline.

~3^rd period, US History~

Well, we just got “inundated” with papers, as Mr. Tallon is so fond of saying. xD We have a huge, dorky project involving ordering 4 projects off of the menu for Tallon’s “restaurant”. xD

Anyways, *he’s* not terribly thrilled about these new assignments, but he’s so cute when he’s getting ticked about it! X)

Mm… *he* just whispered a question to me. My stomach did those little flips… he’s got this really cute Southern accent… not red-neck, ne? More like that slow, polite kind, ne?

~~~Lizzie's House~~~

Well, I'm at Liz's house now, uploading this. This is just the past two days' rambles from meh AlphaSmart.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Wed, 07 May 2008 19:58:53 GMT

Yeah, so I wrote this during the day today.

Ok, so umm… APs are coming up, and basically…

I am SO fucked.

Ok so, today in Latin, we worked in the AP book on a practice multiple choice section. I got twenty-three out of FIFTY-THREE questions right, and I answered thirteen wrong. Wrong answers get 1/3 of a point off. So, basically, I barely even made half of an F on it. I’m so stupid! I can’t ever remember vocab, my grammar’s a mess, I completely freeze up and get stupid things wrong… and my essays? Yeah. A complete joke. I mean, they’re PATHETIC.

English isn’t much better. We’ve been doing practice essays, and, though I keep thinking I’m earning a 7 or maybe even an 8, both essays we’ve gotten back so far have earned 5’s, and I’m pretty sure Ms. Combs would be very generous to give me a 1 on the one we wrote yesterday.

Added to all this is my horribly-timed revelation of my crush on a certain classmate of mine. I know I don’t love him, but I like him so much! Yesterday, due to a combination of totally flipping out about APs and about him, I was kinda crying in class. I mean… quietly, ne? I don’t think anyone but Kasey and he noticed, but yeah. I feel somewhat sure that he noticed. He did this adorable thing where, with his head on his desk, he turned it to the side and looked at me like he was worried, with his hair sorta falling past his face. It made me feel so special, knowing… ok, suspecting, but I think I was right, that he noticed.

Last night, I got in an argument with Jeff. Kasey was totally freaking out, but I couldn’t help it. I know I started it. I know it was my fault. I shouldn’t keep teasing him about Kasey, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to make him upset. I wanted to make him totally freak out, (and by the way, only I would be nerdy enough to sit here thinking, “Cool! I just used anaphora AND tricolon crescens in that last little rant!”) but I know I shouldn’t. I just hate him so much sometimes for having someone like Kasey. I hate him for having someone who loves him enough to drive him all over town for a couple hours looking for a bad movie. I hate him for having someone who’ll put up with his ridiculously uptight ways. I hate him for having someone who’ll love him no matter what.

They can talk to each other. I can talk to them, but… I don’t have what they have.

What I do have is someone I can talk to about the most wonderfully pointless shit ever. I can talk to him about the merits of paint.NET. I can talk to him about how awesome it is that we both used Opera back in the day. I can talk to him about how well his orange shirt matches his orange shoes, or about how he gets his hair to be so pretty. We can just sit in the back of the class in history and roll our eyes at how distractible our classmates are. He cheers for me, in a way, when I answer questions and get Talons. He encourages me to TRY and answer questions when I’m just not sure if I know the answer. At prom, when I wasn’t sure about dancing, he kinda cheered me up. He just… I don’t HAVE to tell him anything, but I think I CAN tell him anything. I just wish that he understood how much I treasure the fact that I CAN talk to him about all of this, without being pressured to let him in on everything.

I think I’m just panicked right now. Latin… I’ve been doing Latin since 6^th grade. I got Magna Cum Laude on the National Latin Exam in 6^th grade, a silver medal in 7^th grade, and gold medals in 8^th, 9^th and 10^th grades… this year I got a 27 out of 40. I didn’t even get a bronze. I used to be able to sit there and easily translate the passages in Wheelocks and Ecce Romani… but now that we’re doing original Catullus and Ovid? I don’t get it, I don’t get it, I don’t don’t don’t get anything anything anything anything anything anything ANYTHING! My scansion… I’ve memorized elegaic couplet and dactyllic hexameter, but I always mark the syllables that could be dactyls OR spondees incorrectly. I keep forgetting to mark DIPTHONGS as long! That’s basic! Anyways, I also CANNOT seem to remember hendecasyllabic meter! Catullus’ poems never seem to make sense, and right now I think I’ll be fine on the Metamorpheses and the Amores, but I just KNOW I’ll totally fuck them up! I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE myself for ever thinking I could do AP Latin! HOW did I ever get the idea that I was good at Latin?! I can’t believe I ever thought I would be able to pass this damn class! I can’t believe everyone thinks I’m smart, when I can’t even memorize simple vocab! I know I’m being stupid right now, that that has nothing to do with intelligence, but I don’t really care. I… I just hate everything right now! Sarah’s been trying so fucking hard to help me do well in Latin, but I just know that I’m going to be totally fucked on it. I’ll have to go into class the Monday after the exam and hear everyone else talking about how they think they did pretty well, while I’ll be sitting there thinking about every fucking question I missed. Damn damn damn damn damn!

…well, just now, *he* didn’t completely hear what Mr. Tallon said, so he leaned over to ask what it was… I had those little butterflies, ne? Damn those butterflies. He’s got such pretty eyes…

…everyone tells me my eyes are pretty… I wonder… does he think they’re pretty? I hope so.

Mm… he and I just had a little friendly moment, because we were, at first, the only ones who clapped for Esther’s presentation. In the midst of all this panic about APs, why is he able to make me feel better just by laughing with me?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 04:40:07 GMT

What is it that brings Anneka back to her Xanga?

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=awxc81&s=3

Just that. xD That's from before I switched computers last year. I just found it sadly entertaining. xDDDDDD

...I have no life. ^-^

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:44:19 GMT

Wow... 's been a while, ne? Had a breakdown this morning, had a conference that went surprisingly well with the teachers, counselor and mother this afternoon (some ridiculous business about "grades" and danger of "failing" or somesuch nonsense ^^;;; ), goin' to see KC's therapist tomorrow afternoon...

and then there's this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_Stool_Scale

xDDDDDDDDDDD I mean seriously, that just brightened my day like you would not BELIEVE! xDDDDDDDDDDD

...I mean, imagine, say, being in medical school and having to listen to a lecture about that. Even better, what if you were studying for a quiz or a test on it and someone came up and asked what you were doing. xDDDDD

...yeah. ^^;;;